Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

It’s All About the Teeth: Becoming Long in the Tooth, Etc.

July 12, 2012

Unfortunately for many when one is said to be “long in the tooth” that person is often short of tooth, or teeth to be more precise. And, as you age it is often the case that replacements must be had for teeth that have been cast or extracted. I suspect that in time science will have figured a way for humans to grow new teeth just as we did as youngsters when we cast off our baby teeth.

But for now I for one must deal with the process of obtaining artificial replacement teeth; i.e. dentures. Some people fall for the lure of the single day total extraction and instant dentures approach. Perhaps my dentist is old school but he says the instant procedure is fraught with fitting problems down the road. So for me it is out with the old and several weeks sans teeth until proper new ones are made.

I asked my youngish, but never the less old school, dentist what was done with the extracted teeth. Do people ever want to save them? I asked because I had read about ancient customs of people saving their cast or removed teeth (more about this below), even being buried with them. He said that he had heard of that custom in his country (somewhere in Latin America, I forgot to ask where). Anyway, he went on to say that extracted teeth must handled as hazardous medical waste. Given today’s price of gold I suspect some patients would like to recover the precious metal to offset their dental bills!

Old superstitions and customs regarding teeth:

Although it was “unlucky to count your teeth,” according to Sidney Addy’s Folk Tales and Superstitions (1895), it was also “the custom in Derbyshire for people to preserve their teeth in jars until their deaths, after which the teeth were put into their coffins and buried with them. Mothers would also preserve the teeth of their infant children and keep them in jars. It is said that when you go to Heaven you will have to account for all the teeth that you have upon the earth. A man said that his grandmother used to call out at a funeral, Have you got his teeth in the coffin?”

Vance Randolph’s Ozark Superstitions (1947) pointed out that astrological signs determined when locals’ teeth were pulled, “even when they were in considerable pain. Hillfolk generally agree that . . . extractions go best in Aquarius or Pisces [and] old-timers say that it is better to pull a tooth in the morning than in the afternoon no matter what constellation the mouth’s in.”

In Folklore Notes on the Folk-Lore of the Northern Counties of England and the Borders (1879), William Henderson offered a curious superstition involving childhood tooth loss: “My Sussex correspondent tells me of a young woman of that county who remonstrated against throwing away children’s cast-teeth, declaring that, should they be found and gnawed by any animal, the child’s new tooth would be like one of that animal. In proof of her assertion, she used to cite a certain old Master Simmons, who had a very large pig’s tooth in his upper jaw, the sad consequence of his mother having by accident thrown one of his cast cast-teeth into the hog trough.”

Source: Courtesy of  author Jeffrey Kacirk who compiles the “Forgotten English” day calendars and has written several books about the English language and peculiar words in the lexicon.

So You Thought Standing to Nurse Was Only for Baby Hoofed Mammals!

May 11, 2012

Does Time magazine’s breastfeeding cover go too far?

Read more here…

 Following the Time Magazine controversy comes this brilliant parody courtesy of Rush Limbaugh’s staff:

.

Banco!

August 21, 2011

Call:DaybyDayCartoon

“Call” Political commentary by Chris Muir at Day by Day Cartoon

Fun With Words

August 15, 2010

This started with contests in The Washington Post but is very funny. See if you come up with some of your own.

The Washington Post’s Mensa invitational once again asked readers to take
any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing
one letter, and supply a new definition.   Here are the 2009 winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus : A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright
ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign
of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.

7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
who doesn’t get it.

9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon : It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like,
a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido : All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they
come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve
accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the
fruit you’re eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its
yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings
for common words.  And the winners are:

1. Coffee , n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted , adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has
gained.

3. Abdicate , v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade , v.. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly , adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent , adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a
nightgown.

7. Lymph , v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle , n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence , n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been
run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash , n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle , n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude , n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon , n.. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster , n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism , n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up
onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent , n. An opening in the front of jockey shorts worn by
Jewish men

A Man and His Desk: Measurement of Genius?

July 29, 2010

What a man’s desk says about his mind:

Albert Einstein's Desk

William F. Buckley's Desk

Nat Hentoff's Desk

Steadyjohn's Desk

Umm..

Outsourcing the Presidency: A Funny Piece!

January 8, 2010

Now that Dodd has been dispatched we can concentrate on Obowma.

Here’s an idea: outsource the Presidency!

Click here for a larger view of the funny piece below

Nation Saves Big by Outsourcing the President


.

Disclaimer: Received this uncredited in an email from a friend. I will gladly give credit where it is due if someone claims authorship.
Tags: outsourcing, outsourcing the presidency,obowma,barack obama,humor,political satire

Connecticut Democrats: April Fools

April 1, 2009

Glenn Beck KO’s AG Richard Blumenthal: Connecticut Attorney General Richard Blumenthal cannot come up with a law broken by the recipients of the AIG bonuses. The more Glenn Beck persists the more befuddled the AG becomes:


….it gets better!

Meanwhile,Connecticut GOP Chairman Chris Healy has this to say at Everyday Republican blog:

Monday was a real treat for those who have long waited for someone from the media class to take Dick Blumenthal apart and reveal him for his duplciitous actions in general and attacks on AIG in particular. Fox News host Glen Beck, whose show in the the 5:00 EST slot has long been a media graveyard, has been receiving high ratings since taking the spot. One reason is Beck’s direct, entertaining style which cuts right to the chase….(read the rest here)

In a press release issued today Healy points out the April Foolishness of many democrat legislators:

Democratic Jokesters Waste Time on Silly Bills

HARTFORD – While the state budget deficit grows to over $7 billion, Connecticut Democrats have wasted precious time on an assortment of April Fool’s legislation that should leave every citizen saying, “you are joking!” according to Republican State Party Chairman Chris Healy Wednesday.
“Despite the serious times, Democrats are making a mockery out of lawmaking,” said Healy. “Rather than getting down to managing a budget and making Connecticut competitive economically, they continue to sanction silly proposals that are a waste of time and tax dollars.”

Healy said many of the bills arose through the Government Elections and Administration and the Environment Committees, and are “an example of why Connecticut should never have a full-time legislature.”

Some of the April Fool gems this year include.. (more…)

Bush Chimp v Obama Chimp: Chimp News Update

February 22, 2009

There was a a lot of comment on our earlier postings: Bush Chimp vs Obama Chimp and Chimp Story Has Legs…. The recent horrific chimp attack in Connecticut and the chimp cartoon in the NY Post prompted a flurry of new postings across the blogosphere. A sampling, some serious and some humorous follows (not always sure which is supposed to be funny and which is not):

GasBag Keith Olberman weighs in with Al Sharpton
:

Rev David Mannings take:

The View Goes Overboard….

David Drake says it’s again a case of the left seeing racism where it doesn’t exist.

From an L.A. Times Op/Ed:

    …it was obvious that the monkey was supposed to represent the Washington establishment that produced the unwieldy legislation passed by Congress and signed by President Obama.

    Chimp Cartoons  Update

President Please! “N…..” Word Now Obsolete

February 19, 2009

In a wave of revisionism sweeping the nation the “N” word is now obsolete and has been replaced by “President”. This video explains:

The revisionism has required the alternation of the famous Chris Rock skit, “Nigga Please Cereal” (original video below)

….and the replacement, revised video:

Funny stuff indeed!

My Personal Stimulus: $5.5 Million: Everyone Qualifies

February 13, 2009

Yes dear readers, everyone qualifies now for their own personal stimulus package. Follow a simple program that I will describe and you can insert your personal appropriation into the Porkulus Bill. Steadyjohn will receive $5,500,000.00, not a paltry 13 bucks a week. My cutlet is buried amongst varied and sundry pork within Title III, Subtitle A:

National Telecommunications and Information Administration

salaries and expenses

For an additional amount for `Salaries and Expenses’, $350,000,000, to remain available until September 30, 2011: Provided, That funds shall be available to establish the State Broadband Data and Development Grant Program, as authorized by Public Law 110-385, for the development and implementation of statewide initiatives to identify and track the availability and adoption of broadband services within each State, and to develop and maintain a nationwide broadband inventory map, as authorized by section 6001 of division B of this Act.

wireless and broadband deployment grant programs

(including transfer of funds to Steadyjohn for the Steadyjohn Personal Economic Stimulus Program)

For necessary and unnecessary expenses related to the Wireless and Broadband Deployment Grant Programs established by section 6002 of division B of this Act, $2,825,000,000, of which $1,000,000,000 shall be for Wireless Deployment Grants and $1,825,000,000 shall be for Broadband Deployment Grants: Provided, That an additional $5,500,000 shall be paid directly to Steadyjohn in the form of subsidized loans that do not require repayment. Provided Further, That the funds be used by Steadyjohn to Take Care of Business or for whatever. Provided Even Further, That Steadyjohn will receive free Aretha Franklin tickets for life. Provided Even Further Still, That Steadyjohn shall be treated as a cabinet-level appointment for the purpose of income tax reporting, and therefore no taxes shall be paid on any of the aformentioned benefits. And one more thing: Chris Dodd is hereby expelled from Congress, effective immediately upon enactment.

digital-to-analog converter box program

Notwithstanding any other provision of law, and in addition to amounts otherwise provided in any other Act, for costs associated with the Digital-to-Analog Converter Box Program, $650,000,000, to be available until September 30, 2009: Provided, That these funds shall be available for coupons and related activities, including but not limited to education, consumer support and outreach, as deemed appropriate and necessary to ensure a timely conversion of analog to digital television.

National Institute of Standards and Technology

scientific and technical research and services

You may have noticed that Steadyjohn additionally is given a free pass on taxes, Aretha Franklin tickets for life, and the assurance that Senator Chris Dodd will be banished. Here’s what you do to get on the gravy train: Click here for full instructions; that’s all there is to it!

h/t Radio Vice Online

Get Your Personal Stimulus $$$